Stilettos & Levis

Mothers and Daughters

2008-07-09T22:16:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure that every angle on the subject of mothers and daughters and the dynamics of their relationships has been covered, be it in a book, a movie, a television show, magazine article, etc. I highly doubt that I have anything new to offer on the subject but, I feel I must say this...

Seven (7) days and six (6) nights past the age of twelve is far, FAR, FAR TOO LONG to spend on "vacation" with one's mother and grandmother!

This is just one more small pearl of wisdom I have recently acquired to add to my modest but valuable collection. I felt compelled to offer it up to the rest of the universe. There is no reason good enough to put one's self through that particular kind of torture and agony. I must advise against it.

To those of you who have gone before me in this endeavor:

God bless you. If you made it back alive, good work. If both your mother and grandmother made it back alive, I raise my glass to you. If you're not in jail for homicide, hats off to you. If you are, I understand. If all made it back alive, no one is in jail and you are still speaking, I bow down to you.

To those of you who will stubbornly ignore my advice:

God bless your soul. You are and idiot. Good luck, you'll need it.

And to my three new best friends:

Jim, Jack and Jose,
I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your help and support along the way. I know I could not have made without you. You boys are the best.

Knowing Your Place

2008-03-31T17:51:00.000-07:00

I believe that it is imperative to know one's place in life. Knowing your place, of course, requires understanding that your place is relative to your current situation. I, personally, didn't think this was a particularly hard concept to grasp but, I recently had the misfortune of meeting two individuals who clearly find it more difficult than one would think. And well, being the kind hearted, understanding and helpful person I am, I've decided to post a few tips to guide those of you out there who may have trouble with knowing where/how you fit in.

*When meeting someone for the first time it is important to be warm and friendly but, understand that you are NOT yet friends. Handshakes are the most appropriate form of touching (hugs are acceptable every now and then but, be cautious). Speak to them in a most respectful manner and ALWAYS call them by the name they introduced themselves by.

*Romantic prospects/relationships: The occasional random make-out does not a relationship make. If you have not had the "DTR" (define the relationship talk) and you generally do not see the person more than twice in a two week period it's best to safely assume you are not in a relationship.

*If not in a romantic relationship with someone and they are not someone you would classify as a best friend it is not socially acceptable to show up on someone's door step in the middle of the night.

*If you are over the age of 21 you no longer reserve the right to sport a tiara for any reason other than if you are in fact actual royalty. Girls, grow up. There is a difference between cute and funny and just plain pathetic.

To my readers: Please remember that I am here for you and there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Should you need anymore assistance knowing your place all you have to do is ask. I will be more than happy to help.

Rebuttle to HP's Rebuttle to Boot Straps and Lawyers

2007-04-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

First of all I would most likely have just posted a comment to this post but, I wouldn't want to reduce myself to becoming a "groupie who believe(s) a comment is always necessary and should be longer than a novel."

Ethopian Restaurants--Bootstraps' rant on Ethopian restuarants didn't deserve a response at all...he ripped it off from Billy Crystal's rant in "When Harry Met Sally".

"Valentines Day - We should revert to the old days of the Roman empire. "As early as the fourth century B.C., the Romans engaged in an annual young man's rite to passage to the God Lupercus. The names of the teenage women were placed in a box and drawn at random by adolescent men; thus, a man was assigned a woman companion for the duration of the year, after which another lottery was staged." Or I can be Emporar Claudius II and propose an edict forbidding marriage because "married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus will not make good soldiers." I interpret soldiers in the 21st century as meaning a single man living his life.

I spent my last two Valentines Days snowboarding in Steamboat and at the Silk Stocking..."

Quite possibly one of the funniest things I've read in awhile because it's so ludacris! You are soooo much more traditional than you pretend to be... You know that you want to get married. EVERYONE knows that about you. And don't even think about replying with something ridiculous like "Yeah I want to get married but in the very distant future" because you and I both know you don't want it to be that far off.

You 2 are idiots and at this point, I think I pretty much own you both!

Love you,
Stilettos

Beliefs

2007-03-12T22:52:00.000-07:00

The other day my colleague passed out these worksheets for us to fill out to help her with a campaign she's been working on. The directions were simple: in 10min. or less write down 25 things you fundamentally believe; include at least 2 beliefs about love, 1 belief about wishes/dreams, 1 impossible thing you choose to believe is possible and at least 1 about people. I thought it was something worth sharing with the class. Obviously we all know our beliefs, both the important and the silly, but I found it interesting to write them down and see them all strung together.

I believe it's better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe people are fundamentally good. I believe a smile can warm the coldest day. I believe that love lasts. I believe in unconditional love. I believe everyone looks best in jeans and a white tee shirt. I believe that everyone needs a swift kick in the ass. I believe that jealousy is a waste of time. I believe that cookie dough mends a torn heart. I believe in trusting your instincts. I believe you can kiss it and make it better. I believe in fate. I believe world peace is possible. I believe that time really does slow down in the summer. I believe in sweat, hard work and elbow grease. I believe in miracles. I believe in best friends and family. I believe in wishing on stars, pennies and eyelashes. I believe in the silver lining. I believe in magic. I believe the best conversations are about nothing. I believe that laughter is the best medicine. I believe in speaking your mind. I believe that the meaning of life is living. I believe in believing.

After writing it down, I was reminded that I am an optimist. I think I tend to get bogged down in the day to day and sometimes forget that. It was a refreshing reminder to myself and I encourage everyone to do it.

The Things We Never Say

2007-02-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

I've been mulling over a question in my head now for a while: In relationships, friendships or otherwise, no matter how intimate, why are there things we never say?

It's a question I can't for the life of me seem to answer. Holding back is not my style. I almost always say what's on my mind with no use of a filter to the point that I'm "abrasive"(or so I was called this weekend). Which I take as a compliment; I'd much prefer to be honest and abrasive than sugary and fake. Yet even I hold back in my relationships. There are things I want to say and don't, things I know I should say and don't. Why?

What is everyone so afraid of? Do we hold back to spare the other party or to spare ourselves?

The people who sent this question orbiting through my mind seem to think the answer is pride. I can't decide if I agree. As someone who continuously humiliates herself being horrifyingly, honest/abrasive...can I really say it's my pride that holds me back?

Wish you were here...

2006-12-01T20:46:00.000-08:00

The weather has been unseasonably warm but, Austin is still Austin. It's beautiful and full of life and, we actually received our first real snap of cold weather this week. The Christmas decorations are up down town and they lit the tree at the Capital.

How's life in Tennessee? Are you making friends? I'm sure you are; you're such a likeable guy. Are you handling the cold weather okay? I'm sure it's quite an adjustment from our steady 80 degree year round minimum temperatures.

Well, I have to say we sure do miss you. It's just not the same around here without you. We really have tried but frankly, we're not handling your absence all that well. The boys put on a brave face and a good show for most of the season but as the end grew near they just got all choked up. A lot of us have put on the old home movies from our fantastic trip to California last January to attempt to make ourselves feel better. We really did have fun on that trip, didn't we? Ahhh, those were the days. Alright, well please write when you have time. We hope you'll get a few days to come visit at Christmas. Remember to wear a hat when you go outside and play nice with other boys.

Love you,
Your Longhorn Family

P.S. Congratulations on winning Rookie of the Week! We're so proud of you, Vince. You'll always be Heisman in our book!

Goodbye Bevo XIII

2006-10-10T23:22:00.000-07:00

...For it's Bevo (XIII) we love the best
Hail, hail the gang's all here
And it's Bevo (XIII) we put to rest

You were born a winner; proven when you became a World Champion Steer at the age of three. Then you moved to Austin to continue your winning streak. You became a symbol of "courage, fighting ability, nerve, lust of combat, efficiency in deadly encounters and the holy spirit of 'Never Say Die' ".

You stood proudly on the side lines as a good luck charm to your boys in burnt orange for 16 seasons. You outlasted three head coaches and saw a number of players come and go. You saw Ricky win the Heisman, traveled to Washington D.C. to take part in President Bush's inaugural festivities and, although you retired in 2004 still got to see your boys win the National Championship last year.

Bevo XIII (Sunrise Express), you were a Texas idol. You've become a Texas legend. Goodbye, old friend. God's speed.

Take a moment, listen to TAPS and say a little prayer for Bevo XIII...
http://freepages.music.rootsweb.com/~edgmon/taps.mid

A Very Important Day

2006-10-07T08:23:00.000-07:00

Today is a very impotant day! My cousin is getting married and, all my family is coming into town! Oh Hooray!

(Please note that the only part of the above statement not dripping with sarcasim is the first sentence...today is an important day. The following is how I really feel.)

UUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Of all the days to pick to get married, of course, his fiance had to pick today! The day of the Red River Shoot Out! The day my Longhorns play OU in Dallas! So rather than being in Dallas watching Mack hand Stoops his ass on a platter, rather than wearing my burnt orange game day shirt, I'll be here at wedding in a cocktail dress! Who plans their wedding on one of the biggest days in college football? UGH! Girls, why are their so few of us that get football?

I'd like to go on record now and say that when I get married (we should probably actually change that "when" to an "if") it will NOT be until AFTER football season! I also, will not be attending any showers scheduled on Saturdays during or overlapping game time!

UGH!

My cousins fiance sucks and weddings suck but, neither suck as much as OU!

Good Luck, Mack! Good Luck, Colt! Good Luck, Longhorns!

Love you,
Stilettos

P.S. As y'all know us Texans are a very friendly bunch so, I was thinking. After the Sooners lose they're going to feel all beat down and defeated and just all around depressed...so let's not send them home empty handed! Let's give them a lovely consolation prize...The Aggie Corps of Cadets! They can change the name of course but, after they lose their school is going to need to have something else to be known for and A&M and The State of Texas no longer has any use for them. Just a thought! Anyhow, Good Luck!

Texas Survivor: Aggie Corps of Cadets Voted Off

2006-10-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm not an Aggie. I'm a Longhorn. Being a Longhorn, I ordinarily don't mind when the Aggies lose a football game. Although sometimes I'm embarrassed for them, I'm rarely embarrassed by them. This past weekend I was embarrassed by them. The Aggies embarrassed the entire state of Texas last weekend.

WAIT! NO! STOP! Let me clarify!

The Aggie Corps of Cadets embarrassed their school and their state last weekend when they decided to do this on national television...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=opUWb 1QeIY

Now I have heard the argument or lame justification, if you will, that this may have been some corps tradition or attempt to pump themselves up. I don't CARE! I don't care what they were trying to do or even why they did it. This is NOT something you do on national television! A major public university is representative of its state, likewise the organizations of that university. Squeezing your junk in a row on television is just poor form regardless of the purpose. It's not like they held up a sign to explain it so, the rest of the country saw this...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=opUWb 1QeIY

This is how they chose to represent us (Texas)!

The Corps has got to go! They are the main reason everyone makes fun of A&M in the first place and, now they've gone too far!

Everyone, Aggies, Longhorns and all other Texans from various universities included, that I have spoken with regarding this matter, have agreed. This is what we have to say...

To: The Aggie Corps of Cadets

Get out you psycho, West Point wanna be, reject, military freaks! Get the hell out of our state! We (normal Aggies included) want you out! Congratulations, you've officially been voted out of the state! Pack your bags!

SINCERELY,
Texas Civilians

Shoe Shopping for Men

2006-10-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about relationships lately. We all (men and women alike) claim to want simple and yet, we make relationships amazingly complicated. Isn't it ironic that both honesty and dishonesty can send a relationship into a tailspin? Too much honesty can be overwhelming or hurtful or both and, dishonesty well that's just always a bad idea.

A friend of mine recently compared dating to shoe shopping (her favorite thing). "You walk around the store picking up and flirting with the few you think are cute and then you try them on. Then you find and purchase THE PAIR." I laughed and told her she was right. Then I realized she's only half right.

Dating may be like shoe shopping but, it's more like walking into the store, picking up the display shoe you like and instead of waiting for the salesman to bring out your size you try to squeeze into the size 5 display shoe. You wear a size 8. The display shoe goes flying embarrassingly off your foot and knocks down another display just as the salesman brings out the shoe in your size.

When we first start dating someone new we try and squeeze into them. We hide all of our weird quirks and flaws and try desperately to be everything we think the other person wants us to be. Inevitably the real us starts to creep out and then we have to spend time getting to know each other all over again. Yet try to start out a relationship on a completely honest note and it's over before it ever really began. Why is that?

Sigh...

I feel like I may have more to say on the subject but, seeing as how it's such a confusing topic my thoughts are still all jumbley in my head. So chew on that for now and if anyone out there actually understands the dating game, PLEASE, I beg you, explain it to me.

Trespassing at Walmart

2006-09-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

We all have irritating errands we have to run, grocery, dry cleaners, etc. For many of us this list quite frequently includes either Target or Walmart.

I myself am usually a Target shopper but, the other day on my way home found a Walmart in a slightly closer proximity. I popped in to pick up a few things on my list and quickly remembered why I'm a Target shopper.

Walmart is a magnet for low class women and their spawn. It's amazing! Whether you're in a small town Walmart, a big city Walmart, or a Walmart in the heart of suburbia the second the double automatic doors slide open the scene is always the same. Bunches of women, usually shopping in pairs, in their faded jeans and ratty tee shirts, gabbing while they sluggishly push their carts down the most popular aisles, oblivious to the 9 dirty, unruly children following them. They only pause from their, what I imagine must be deep, conversation to discipline the children when one of then breaks something. These rude women glare intimidatingly at all clean, quiet shoppers without children as they try to edge past. They make the Walmart experience chaotic and excruciating.

While I carefully navigated through the maze of mongrules and their scary mothers, I pondered their situation...
I tried very hard to give these women with their terrible attitudes and lack of social graces the benefit of the doubt. I decided that perhaps their financial situations, lack of family or lack of family support maybe the cause of the bad situation that I and the rest of the Walmart shoppers were forced to endure along with them. I concluded that I myself may have a poor attitude if I had to drag at least 3 children under the age of 6 with me to run my irritating errands. But then...just as I was beginning to empathize with these women I remembered something. I am a logical person. If I had 3 or more small children and a friend in the same position and needed to go to the store, I'd ask her to watch them and of course, I in turn would do the same for her.

Certainly I can't be the only person to come up with this concept. So once again I was confused. Then I came up with another theory. I usually only run into these tacky women and their filthy hellions at Walmart, very rarely at Target. So it must be that it's a territorial thing. They glare at me because I'm trespassing on their turf. I am supposed to shop at Target! They are supposed to shop at Walmart and, we are not supposed to bother each other. As for why they bring all the kids...who cares? That is no concern of mine; us Target shoppers should stay out of their store and mined our own business!

To all of you Walmart shoppers: I apologize. You have my word, I will only shop at Target from this point on. You will never have to put up with me in your stores again!

Stupid Girls

2006-09-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

Okay I want to start by first saying that I am not a feminist. I still think that boys should open doors and pull out chairs. They should kill the icky bugs that we (girls) don't even want to look at and, I'm not even opposed to them working while we stay home and raise the kids.

That being said, I am still glad that the feminist movement happened. I'm excited that I got to live in a time where I was a allowed to go to college. I'm over joyed that I'm not yet at home raising kids, that I'm out doing my thing getting to have a career. And then I come in contact with girls who make me embarrassed to be a girl, embarrassed to be 24 and infuriated upon learning that they too have a college degree.

IT'S NOT CUTE TO BE DITSY!

If you actually are a bit of an airhead by nature that's one thing but, pretending to be stupid because you think boys will think you're cute that way...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! While you were getting that college degree did you take a history class? Did you learn anything about the feminist movement? Does it mean anything to you? Are you trying to set us back 50 years? And do you really want to have to dumb yourself down to catch a boy? You girls baffle me!

Let me explain a few things to you...
Being cute doesn't count for everything. I'm sorry but, you're looks aren't going to carry you through life, even on the boy front. Trust me I hang out with enough of them to know. You will always be just a piece of ass if you can't bring more than cuteness to the table. Those of you constantly relying on the "Cute and Ditsy" routine, ever find yourself in what you think is a relationship yet, it's been weeks and you still haven't met any of his friends?

Memo to you: You're not in a relationship. You're not going to meet the friends. You're JUST a piece of ass.

His mind set: Why introduce your friends to someone who's not going to be around very long? Especially when he's mildly embarrassed by her lack of polish and intelligence.

Then there are of course those of you who figure this out (while somehow managing to still not really admit it to yourself) and attempt to sink your hooks in permanently with a pregnancy. I'm humiliated by you and for you. I truly pitty you. Grow up. Get some self respect. Be proud of who you REALLY are and, find someone who'll love YOU. Stop trying to trick a boy in to loving you. It's pathetic and, believe me they see through it! (At least the one's who have me for a friend.)